October 2010
1 post
May 2010
5 posts
Desirable
I’m no stranger to instant meals, especially those of the just-add-water variety. I’ve noticed that most of these advise you not to drain the excess water after cooking, as this water is desirable. Incidentally, when I used to edit journal submissions written by ESL students, I would often come across the very same word. Stuff like, “It is desirable that businesses be able to...
There’s only one thing I dislike more than religious fundamentalism, and that’s fascist authoritarianism. A good rule of thumb to determine if you’ve crossed the line into fascist authoritarianism is if you detain people based on what type of watch they are wearing.
The argument is that these Casio watches are often used in making bombs, so wearing one is grounds for being...
“Of course they are screaming ‘socialism’. They’ve been doing that since the 50s at least. They’re not talking about economic redistribution of wealth - they never have been. They’ve been talking about redistribution of privilege this whole time. They called MLK a communist because he wanted blacks to have the same rights as whites, and to them that was a...
April 2010
10 posts
Assorted comments on Sarah Palin's Facebook note...
Jared Hersh: “The Mob” supports you!
Robert Knewstub: TAKE THE CREEP AND HANG SOME SALMON ON HIM IN BEAR COUNTRY GOVERNOR AND LET HIM SEE WHAT REAL HACKING IS (;>)!!
Tom Tesmar: Unfortunately, there really cannot be any justice in this case. These wrongs cannot be undone. In the final analysis, this case contributed to the outrageous situation we have brewing at the top of this...
“Violating the law, or simply invading someone’s privacy for political gain, has long been repugnant to Americans’ sense of fair play. As Watergate taught us, we rightfully reject illegally breaking into candidates’ private communications for political intrigue in an attempt to derail an election.” -Sarah Palin
One of the worst repercussions of the growing stupidity of the general...
“To be frank, if you’re a man older than 16 and you don’t know how to tie a necktie, you’re an embarrassment. Seriously: there’s no excuse.” -Jesse Thorn
Sentiments like the above passage, espoused by a disc jockey claiming to represent young America, are at the heart of what’s wrong with the world. Honestly, if you’re writing with authority about something on your blog in...
“Be an individual, step out and away from the flow of the crowd. Take a time out, open up ya mind and then peep the giraffe.”
-Violent J, The Happy Clown Serial Killer
Tumblr must have made literally hundreds of dollars today.
“GOD I HATE IT WHEN YOU GUYS CALL ME A DONKEY.” -Julia Allison
March 2010
9 posts
Shame
“In answer to the discussion of whether these people, who are innocent until proven guilty, deserve the additional punishment of having their names and pictures spread online, creating a lasting record to be Googled by some future prospective employer or date, I say absolutely yes… Aside from the appropriate symmetry to their own actions, which involved public shaming of an innocent...
"One day when I get a boyfriend or husband or... →
March 24, A date which will live in infamy (until... →
Back in my day, children, TSA agents couldn’t see through our clothes, hamsters danced relentlessly, 1500 was a great SAT score, and we were forced to hear about Julia Allison all the time.
Julia has injected herself into the worst possible venue for her character, so it’s good to see her possibly taking a different approach. The shilling, insincerity, lies, flubs, embarrassing lack...
British people respond to DailyMail's story,...
Who are we to criticise another culture? It is RUSSIAN ROULETTE, and Russian’s enjoy it. So leave the Russians alone.
-Gregor from Glasgow
PROVED HIMSELF TO BE AN IDIOT, THATS ALL !!!!
-Amanda Marie, Basildon, Essex
Russian roulette with a pistol, How Dum do you have to be!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Andy, UK
Greg@03.45. ABSOLUTE NONSENSE. The is NO chance of killing yourself. (NO I’m not...
The above, a French interview of The Beatles, is a...
The Meaning of Life According to Kurt Vonnegut
‘Kilgore Trout relinquished himself to the stained and burnt remnants of the brown EZ Boy that acted as his writing chair. He flicked the last inch of his cigarette into the nearby oil drum that was his trash can and scrutinized the current page in his battered typewriter to determine where he had gotten up to on Gorogo Radio Two, a story set in a world with a similar society as our own, but...
February 2010
9 posts
It’s Becky’s birthday, so I did a...
There are two types of people in the world: Die...
I’ve made a concerted effort to ignore any signs that Die Antwoord’s fifteen minutes could possibly be waning. This is due to my genuine appreciation for what they’re doing, and I hope to see them overcome the somewhat confused reaction they initially elicited from people like me. That confusion is clearly part of their appeal, though. I originally believed them to be pawns of a...
Go Ninja, go!
Assorted Amazon reviews by Donald E. Nielsen
“Very simple instrument with very limited note capability.” (Harmonica)
“Vendor shipped promptly. Video was as expected, however after receiving it I learned similar instructions can be viewed for free on ‘Fit TV’.”
“A third grader could have written this book and if you have a third greader who wants a dog book, then maybe this one if for you.. It...
Real Love cover by me. Originally by John Lennon.
...
NO MA'AM
I recently happened upon a troubling news story about Jean-Claude Rochefort, a Canadian man who was arrested for felony blogging. Most of the reports were pretty vague about what his crimes involved, but the basic story is that he operated a blog that made threatening statements to women… in general.
Luckily, his blog is still intact and largely in English. It’s quite obvious...
January 2010
14 posts
Customer reviews of Taco Bell Microwavable Home...
“I absolutely loved these meals. They actually filled me up at lunch. Until I got a bad batch of the product. I recently opened one up for lunch to find little worms crawling in and out of the food. I would be careful before eating one of these again. They were about a 1/4 inch long and green.”
-M. Jourdan
“The other reviewers were right on when they said this was not...
Ever since beginning John Kennedy Toole’s tome, A Confederacy of Dunces, I have had the sneaking suspicion that I’ve been emulating his style and/or the general mindset of his protagonist. The somewhat frightening aspect of this realization is that this emulation dates back far before I began reading the book. Whether I’m writing seriously or satirically, I come across as an...
So I finally read this story about how a few badged thugs brutally attacked a boy in my hometown and it boiled my blood. While I desperately hope justice is served against these criminals, I can’t help but feel it won’t happen. So far, the officers haven’t even been suspended. These are the people I’m entrusting my safety and civil order to and they’re attacking my...
In these desperate times, and in light of the horrible suffering that’s going on, I think we all need to take some time to recognize how good we have it- compared to Conan O’Brien. I’d also like to note that it’s in incredibly poor taste to suggest this is all Conan’s fault for signing a pact with the devil. (NOBODY STEAL THIS JOKE)
This ongoing late night talk show...
Law & Order UK should be renamed Law & Order SWSTS (Silly Wigs, Stupid Theme Song). I’ve watched a few episodes of it so far, and I can’t say I dislike it. It’s got that (always strangely-unconvincingly-accented) guy from Battlestar Galactica playing a slightly brash and naive detective alongside someone who appears to be agent Jason Gideon after a stroke that makes him...
1 tag
DJ Marky A
I love the completely tasteless and hackneyed way in which Marco alienates his own platform and users in a bid to convince himself of his superiority. I think he fancies himself the Cory Doctorow of the vapid tween-oriented social network he helped found, but instead comes across as one of those woefully out of touch dads who tries way too hard. I could call him overly and unnecessarily critical,...
Anonymous asked: What characteristics (for lack of a better word), do you find most annoying in a blog? Other than the obvious, of course, what kinds of things turn you off on a blog you otherwise might like?
WatchThis is my cat Caesar (who Becky calls Susan) listening to George Harrison.
I’ve come to terms with many things throughout my life, but one obstacle remains a burden on my conscience. Yes, I’m talking about Jake and Julia. Not the amalgamation, mind you, but the individuals; now split and matured into two separate and uniquely repulsive entities, they stand as a testament to everything we could possibly find offensive and vile in ourselves and the people...
AMA
I was recently made aware of a new feature that Tumblr (my gracious dystopian blog host) implemented to destroy Formspring’s market share. It seems as if everyone (even people I like!) have fallen victim to the narcissistic spell of having strangers on the internet ask them questions. I had held off on such a romp of agony-aunt-brand ego-inflating for the simple reason that I had always...
December 2009
7 posts
Let's celebrate Christmas this year by...
Before I get into some pointers that address what I perceive as a rise in the casual acceptance of anti-semitism, let me give a brief personal introduction to my opinions on the actual issue of Israel’s foreign and domestic policy:
My conception of Israel’s domestic policy slowly shifted over the past couple years from understanding to disappointment. Whereas I used to believe...